Good Lord, A Slice Of Shoofly Pie Is Almost 400 Calories!

After a bought of insomnia last night I started reading reading Marcia Adams New Recipes From Quilt Country. It was one of my most favorite cookbooks when I married my husband 11 years ago.

Not surprisingly after which, I had a craving for Amish cuisine. Not thinking I made a shoofly pie without first figuring out the calories. How much could it be, I reasoned? 250 calories. Nope, it was almost 400.

Luckily, I have 400 calories to spend but still I should have put more thought into it.  400 calories is more of a Sunday treat than a weekday thing.  

So, what can I do next time?  FIND OUT HOW MANY CALORIES IT IS BEFORE I MAKE IT!  Plan on a smaller serving size. Make a lighter version of the recipe.  Fiddle with the serving sizes.

I'll let you know tomorrow if it's worth all 400 calories.

My Cat.

I wish I had the body confidence of my cat. She doesn't care what other people think of her, she thinks she's beautiful no matter what weight she is. She walks around strutting her stuff as if to say "aren't I beautiful?".

She takes pride in her appearance cleaning herself from head to toe because well, you never know who you might run into.

She makes an entrance gliding into the room with grace and elegance. It reminds me of Hollywood starlets of old who. would enter a room, casually dragging a fur coat after them.  

I know, that's not a politically correct vision but you get my point.  Cats think that they are beautiful no matter what and so should we.

I Haven't Lost Weight Like This Since the 80's

Odd, I'm getting more calories with calorie counting than I did with Great Watcher's. So I don't feel the need to stuff myself silly. In fact, I have only had around 1000 of my 1971 calories and I'm quite satisfied. Although I must say some days I eat more food than today but I always stay within my budget.

You would think I would lose slower this way but my weight is actually comming off quicker. Maybe because I allow myself more high protein snacks because I'm only counting calories not fat grams. Although I don't go hog wild and have shame sticks (butter dipped in sugar). Maybe my body needs more calories to function , I don't know. But what I do know is that my weight hasn't come off this quickly since I was 13.  I'm so excited. By spring, I'll get to wear the clothes in the back of my closet that were too small for me.

Even Oprah Hates Exercise.

I heard on an old Oprah on OWN Lady Of admit she hates exercise but she hates it every day.

I tried to reflect on this as I mall walked this afternoon. I'm not ready to commit to exercise every day but then I'm starting out with baby steps. If I exercise 2 to 3 times a week I see that as a victory over my formerly sedentary existence.

I wonder if others have had to take the baby steps route. It seems to make more sense to me. because I am more likely to keep it up.

10 Reasons That I Decided To Lose Weight

As Mother Nature is about to visit me I am having a hard time remembering my reasons for wanting to reduce my weight. So I give you a list of ten reasons why I, personally decided to reduce in no particular order.

Number One: I am a diabetic. Before I started losing weight I was told that my diabetes was uncontrolled. People who have uncontrolled diabetes don't live very long and/or horrible things happen to them like amputations. Enough said.

Number Two: I have arthritis. My weight was/is exacerbating my arthritis which means I am in more pain than I would be if I was smaller.
Number Three: I have reproductive issues. Such as periods that go on and on for more than three months at a time. The only way to stop them is by medical intervention (surgery, meds) and weight loss. Currently I'm on meds to control things but would rather not be.

Number Four: I have no energy. It's an effort just to take a walk around the block. It's a pain to take a bath or even put make up on.

Number Five: Even my wedding rings are too tight! I can remember when they were loose. They're not as tight as they were before I lost ten pounds but I still have a ways to go.

Number Six: I cannot stand to wear any pants but sweat pants or jammy pants. What happened to my cute jeans?

Number Seven: My family and friends are afraid to say anything but they are concerned about my weight. I'd like to be around a long time for them.

Number Eight: I love to cook. If I trash my body to where I can only have a very limited diet what's the point of cooking?

Number Nine: Diabetics and Arthritics are known for having heart disease. My worst fear is having a massive stroke or heart attack and having to live out my days in a nursing home.

Number Ten: The big A, alzheimers. People with uncontrolled diabetes are more likely to have alzheimers as they age.

How Did I Get To Be This Weight : Part Six?

When I met my husband it was like every thing was better. It seemed like all of creation was telling me he was The One. We spent a lot of time together and ate a lot of junk food. During this time I also went back to finish my degree so meals were pretty much caught on the fly.

I was fat but happy.   I was complacent about my weight all the way up until a year into our marriage when we wanted to start having babies. I wasn't getting pregnant so I went to the doctor to find out why.

The answer that came back rocked me to my foundation. I had a double whammy of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Diabetes.

For five years I refused to accept my diagnosis and then my car accident happened. I broke my back, hips, pelvis, ribs, and crushed my left arm. I was in a coma for 3 weeks. When I woke up they put me on percocet for pain. Even with it the pain was unbearable. The percocets also made it so I couldn't go to the bathroom or eat without feeling ill.  I lost a lot of weight but gained it all back as I healed.

In the next few years I ate out of anger. I was angry that my life had changed and was showing signs of deep depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was affecting my marriage so as afraid as I was of doctors I felt that I needed desperately to see one.

I was put on diabetes meds and antidepressants. My husband was put on antidepressants too . Things got much better in our marriage and I began to lose weight because of my diabetes meds but it didn't stay off.

So I tried Great Watcher's again. It's an excellent program, I believe that it works but the points system changed and I had a difficult time adjusting and I needed to make a change. I was spinning my wheels in the dirt. So we're back to where I am now: combining what I've learned in Great Watcher's and counting calories with Lose It.

I've learned from writing my story that the reasons I am over weight are like the many layers of an onion: comfort, being sedentary, rebellion, safety, complacency, anger. Trauma and an inability to face what happened to me. These are just a few of the reasons of how I got to be this heavy. But it's my story and it is uniquely me.

How Did I Get To Be This Weight : Part Five?

By the time I was 18 I had buried what happened to me to make me want to be overweight. All I knew is that I could never reach goal weight or any weight loss goals really and I didn't know why.

I got my first job and it clicked that I could buy my own food now. So I bought every kind of junk food my parents denied me and ate for hours to my hearts content. It really didn't help that I was sedentary too.

It was during this time that symptoms of blood sugar problems began to show. My temper would flare so much easier after I'd had a box of Oreos. But I still wasn't a diagnosed diabetic.

I went on to college and did well until I switched universities and lived on campus. Dorm food was horrible for me. My poor roommate was often witness to my temper flashes. Then it became too much for me. Too large of a campus, way to much freedom. I flunked out of college.

I was so embarrassed and unhappy. I spent my days working at the local Big Lots and eating, eating, eating to soothe my feelings. Another symptom of blood sugar problems began to show. I would have to weight a long time to eat and would grow faint from not having meals regularly. Also my coworkers noticed I would have a horrible temper until after I ate and then I'd be all smiles.

I had my blood sugar checked and it was in prediabetic range. Though it would have been diabetic by today's standards. So I tried to lose weight again.

Around the time I reached size 14 and was feeling good about myself I met the last and the worst of my ex boyfriends. I wasn't so sure about him so I tried to keep him at arm's length. Something seemed off about him.

Then we were alone one afternoon before we were to meet up with my brother and sister in law. He wanted sex. I wasn't sure but he was twice my height and three times my weight. He was on top of me. I said no but he ignored me and kept going. I was so ashamed that I kept going out with him because I didn't want to feel like a slut and I was afraid. I ate to gain all of my weight back and was never able to stay that weight again. It became dangerous again to be thin.  When we broke up 6 months later it was a relief to me and everyone around me.

I left Big Lots and became a temporary office worker. I went to church a lot and didn't date anyone for three years. I grew to obese weight.

How Did I Get To Be This Weight : Part Four?

I came home from camp within 10 lbs of my goal. I was looking forward to starting seventh grade. Everyone would love me and my new body now.

But that's not what happened. The girls hated me for being skinny. The boys were meaner to me than ever. As a joke I was nominated for student council. One boy laughed in my face and said "gee Kelly, you always wanted to be popular! ". Older boys would corner me on the school bus and say lewd things to me. I felt very unsafe. It was then that a light clicked on for me. Losing weight put a bullseye on my back. As the boys spoke to me I made a conscious decision to gain my weight back and I have not been goal weight since. 

So I went on through junior high school and high school a little bit heavy but the funny thing is I'd kill to be that weight now. I hated my
body and was constantly afraid of males.

My mom and dad and I started going round and round about my weight. So my weight became a way for me to rebel now. A way to say "you can't tell me what to do! "

By the time I graduated from high school I was wearing plus sizes.

How Did I Get To Be This Weight : Part Three?

The changes in my family and school situations caused me to withdraw into the magical land of books. I may have had low self esteem and poor grades but I was one well read little girl.

I didn't like my new school because the kids thought I was stupid and I was wildly unpopular. So I let Food comfort me.

By the time I was twelve years old I'd learned to loathe my body. I can remember seeing my self in the school bus mirror and hating everything about my reflection. I thought my weight was the reason no one liked me.

Around this time my parents offered to send me to a Great Watcher's weight loss camp. Wow, I was so excited. This would be the fix I needed. Everyone would love me when I got back.

I went to camp and made alot of friends, it wasn't all bad. But unfortunately I was left alone with a female counselor who repeatedly made advances on me and another camper. I was on the edge of 13 about to become a woman and my first lesson was that sex was dangerous. I was a sexual person and I didn't want to be if it ment creepy, unwanted advances. For my own safety I could not allow myself to be sexual. The more I lost weight the more sexual I became and the more frightening it was for me.

How Did I Get To Be This Weight: Part Two?

The next year we moved to a new school district. This brought changes for me. By fourth grade I had ballooned up to 80 lbs. Much to my embarrassment the school nurse announced my weight in front of a classmate and said I was getting heavy.

Food and I had a new friend: Television. Television was constantly with us from when we got home from school until bedtime. The only time television wasn't with us was when I was reading.

Food and I were forced to break up with Television when my mom married the man who adopted me (my dad).  No television except for the weekends and summer. For a long time I blamed dad for the changes I was forced to go through. New school, new house, a whole new set of rules.

It was 1980 and my worst fears were that my new father would would not like me nor accept my weight.

How Did I Get To This Weight: Part One?

Someone suggested that I tell my story about how I got to be this weight?  I'd say my weight has been my life long companion. One of the earliest food and comfort memories I have is from when I was in second grade, I was just eight years old. gGrade cards came out that day and it was the first time I was to be graded by letters instead of satisfactory or unsatisfactory.  I saw that I had received a poor grade in math, never my best subject.  I was so distressed that I spent all afternoon sitting in a corner at my babysitter's house after school not telling anyone what was wrong.   In an effort to make me feel  better my babysitter made me a peanut butter sandwich, no jelly, just the way I liked it..  As I ate it a light clicked on in my brain, food could be my friend.  And so it was that food and I became fast friends.  She comforted me when I was sad., helped me celebrate when I was happy, hung out with me when I was bored who could ask for a better buddy?  

I Never Was The Type To Count Calories...

January 8th I started an experiment.  I decided to do something I've never done: count calories to lose weight. I always used  another program we'll call it Great Watcher's to loose weight.  Since I was 12 to be exact but that is a story for another day.

Problem was, I kept trying with them and I kept failing.  Also, the new accounting system for the food didn't agree with me.  But I couldn't give up on weight lose because I am a type 2 diabetic and I was informed that  my sugars were not well controlled.  I talked to my therapist about this (on top of this I also have major depression so I have to take my meds and see a therapist like a good girl).  She didn't think that Great Watcher's was working for me anymore.I didn't know what to do because I thought she was right although some aspects of Great Watcher's worked well for me.  So what to do , what to do...

My therapist suggested I start a food diary.  I decided to take her advice.  It was a small step but at least I was trying to do something.  The first thing I did was find a free food journaling app for my phone because everything goes on my phone if I want to remember it.  I noticed the app came with a calorie counter so I set it up so I would lose a pound a week.  Next thing I knew was staying within a certain range of calories and keeping track of what I ate.

Then I noticed the app came with a free support and a community via a website.  Within a week I was in a different weight loss plan and it was (almost) painless.  I have no illusions though, I know I'm in what's known as the "honeymoon" phase and I WILL face problems as I go through this journey.  I've decided to pretty much work a plan that works best for me: calorie counting, basic nutrition and what I learned at Great Watcher's I'd like to see If I can write something everyday here for a year and see what happens.  If I am doing something new I may as well record it.

Here's the boring part. Sorry, the the lawyer's daughter in me.  Here goes, I am not a doctor, nurse, dietitian, or any type of medical professional. I'm not giving medical advice.  I'm just a person telling anyone who wants to read my blog what is working for me.  If you want to loose weight I urge you to see your doctor and work with him or her as to what works best for you.