How Did I Get To Be This Weight : Part Five?

By the time I was 18 I had buried what happened to me to make me want to be overweight. All I knew is that I could never reach goal weight or any weight loss goals really and I didn't know why.

I got my first job and it clicked that I could buy my own food now. So I bought every kind of junk food my parents denied me and ate for hours to my hearts content. It really didn't help that I was sedentary too.

It was during this time that symptoms of blood sugar problems began to show. My temper would flare so much easier after I'd had a box of Oreos. But I still wasn't a diagnosed diabetic.

I went on to college and did well until I switched universities and lived on campus. Dorm food was horrible for me. My poor roommate was often witness to my temper flashes. Then it became too much for me. Too large of a campus, way to much freedom. I flunked out of college.

I was so embarrassed and unhappy. I spent my days working at the local Big Lots and eating, eating, eating to soothe my feelings. Another symptom of blood sugar problems began to show. I would have to weight a long time to eat and would grow faint from not having meals regularly. Also my coworkers noticed I would have a horrible temper until after I ate and then I'd be all smiles.

I had my blood sugar checked and it was in prediabetic range. Though it would have been diabetic by today's standards. So I tried to lose weight again.

Around the time I reached size 14 and was feeling good about myself I met the last and the worst of my ex boyfriends. I wasn't so sure about him so I tried to keep him at arm's length. Something seemed off about him.

Then we were alone one afternoon before we were to meet up with my brother and sister in law. He wanted sex. I wasn't sure but he was twice my height and three times my weight. He was on top of me. I said no but he ignored me and kept going. I was so ashamed that I kept going out with him because I didn't want to feel like a slut and I was afraid. I ate to gain all of my weight back and was never able to stay that weight again. It became dangerous again to be thin.  When we broke up 6 months later it was a relief to me and everyone around me.

I left Big Lots and became a temporary office worker. I went to church a lot and didn't date anyone for three years. I grew to obese weight.